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Night before the First Day on the Battlefield

So the day has finally arrived. I don't consider it to be something massive really, because I know it isn't. However, I've got to take this seriously. It's my only chance in the next two years to prove myself and I wouldn't want to wait for another two years. Tomorrow, I'll be taking the first (major) exam of my life.

For those who are reading this and wondering what I meant by 'proving myself', let me explain to you all. The gradual deterioration of my grades in the past three years has left my parents wondering if I'm walking in the right path and whether I'll be able to live up to my so-called expectations. So, in order to prove them wrong, I'd have to get some fine numbers on my marks sheet. I wish I could care less.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a rant about taking a board exam amidst all the pressure I face. I'd have done that if I hadn't prepared well for it; but I have. I have put in quite a lot of effort. I would be lying if I said I've given my best because I've spent countless hours at night playing FIFA and in procrastination. However, I've tried.

The battle will be long and hard. It wouldn't be a surprise to me if this one month appears like an eternity. But I guess I can bear with it. I wish I could make you understand how much I'm longing to live without the exam stress on my shoulders (and brain). 

 My friends say that they believe I can do very well and to be honest I can actually anticipate that...sort of. But this constant fear lives within me. This fear of my failure, disappointing everyone. What happens then? How does one live when one isn't able to live to up to one's expectations. Yes, I know time heals everything. But, what happens till everything gets normal?

The aforementioned questions demean me to an extent which I'm unable to bring to anyone's notice.
So, in conclusion to this random 3 A.M. post, I'd say that I'll try to excel in this battlefield for no on else, but me. Why? Because if I don't, I'll doubt myself.

I could be overthinking, you know? It's late. I'm listening to Cigarettes After Sex (which you should definitely listen to) and trying to mug up the disorders caused due to hyposecretion  of Thyroxine. But, the whole point of this blog is to let my thoughts out.

Peace.
(Good luck to the ICSE and ISC candidates!)

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